Dishwasher Etiquette

Okay ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to talk about dishwashers.Yes, that simple appliance we all love, use everyday, but bitches please, you're doing it WRONG.

The first step is rinsing the dishes BEFORE you put them in the dishwasher. If you completely disregard this step, your dishes will not be clean because all of your shitty food will be stuck all over the damn place. It's gross. People won't want to eat off that shit. Come on now.

 Next, the racks are made to pull out for a reason. Don't just shove all your dishes in the front of the dishwasher. It's wrong, so very wrong. If you have made it to this step without doing it wrong, I congratulate you. You are doing better than most people.

Now let's talk about the placement of dishes in the dishwasher. It's okay to put big bowls up top, but you have to do it right. You need to turn the bowls upside down in order for them to get clean. Not right side up. I dare you to put your bowls right side up, I dare you. Please tell me afterwards that you did and your bowls came out all clean and pretty. If you do, it's bullshit. I won't believe you. Plus I'll laugh at you because all that water that has gotten trapped in the bowl will spill all over you. Serves you right. Bowls go upside down. Come on people, it's common sense. 

Next, give a shit about the coffee mugs. You can't just throw them in there and expect to fit other things in there as well. You have to arrange them so the handles are not in the way of other mugs. Instead of getting 4 in one row, now you can get 5! Isn't spatial reasoning great?

Now I'm sure that your dishwasher has that fancy little silverware holder. It's a great invention. But if you're using it wrong, you might as well hand-wash each damn fork yourself and throw out your dishwasher. If you place all of your forks prongs down, you're doing it wrong. Once again, all your nasty food will still be stuck to the forks once they're suppose to be "clean." Eat using those forks and you'll get a disease. Same thing with the spoons. If your spoons are face down, you're doing it wrong. You go to pull out a clean spoon for your cereal, and bam, there's your oatmeal you had the morning before stuck all over it. Stick the silverware UP and you will end up with clean, happy silverware. And no diseases. Score.

I understand that some of you may be offended or even ashamed. You should be. The modern convenience of the dishwasher should only be granted to those who deserve it. If you do any of the things I have mentioned, you're doing it wrong, and you're a dumbass. Fix it. Good luck to you all.